Fatherhood
“To become a father is not hard, to be a father is, however.”
Wilhelm Busch
“No man can possibly know what life means, what the world means, what anything means, until he has a child and loves it. And then the whole universe changes and nothing will ever again seem exactly as it seemed before.”
Lafcadio Hearn
“Fatherhood, for me, has been less a job than an unstable and surprising combination of adventure, blindman’s bluff, guerrilla warfare and a crossword puzzle.”
Frederic F. Van De Water
‘The best thing a man can do for his children is love their mother.”
John Wooden
Fatherhood can often feel like a no win situation. You and your wife are not exactly a dyad anymore. Three’s a crowd. You are now playing second fiddle to this little being that … no matter how much you wanted, has pretty much displaced you. You have been a part of the prenatal process and birthing classes, and the birth experience. You have tried to be in tune with your mate’s needs and wants and demands. You may have even gained weight in sympathy during her pregnancy…!!! It happens. And now that the little bundle has arrived, you feel like an outsider.
You can’t breast feed, but (hopefully) you can shop, cook and clean in addition to your job which we hope will give you a break. It seems there are more tasks, less sleep and fewer perks. Considering this picture the bonding period may not be smooth sailing.
Take heart. You are not alone. Men definitely take a big hit when they move into fatherhood. It’s just that it’s not ok to express your hurt or jealous feelings especially considering the fact that your mate is slammed beyond her limits. She is the one that is supposed to be needy.
Hopefully you will get to spend quality time with your baby early on and maybe give the three a.m. feeding with expressed milk. You can find a way. I offer supportive counseling for fathers at any stage in their child’s development.